wow! so can i just say that i have never felt so alive than right now? jeepers. my blood is pumping and my mind actually is just walking. nothing to worry about. nothing! i do not even care anymore! yes. fantastic. splendid. marvelous. incredible!!!! INCREDIBLE this feeling is. i love love love it!
man, this is just amazing! i feel great! i feel alive and free!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i should be running through a field of wheat grass in a summer dress with long flowing hair and flowers falling from the sky!
or perhaps in a dance club, letting my whole entire body just let lose, out of control, in a crowd of complete strangers and we just cannot get enough of each other, sweating and dancing the whole night away until the early morning, expecting the unexpected!! ;) i have so much life and energy in me right now! there is no way i am falling asleep tonight! i do not know where it all came from?!! but wherever it did, i sure do hope that it stays!
i have not felt so good in such a long time! once school got out, man it has been fantastic! i thought coming home would be a disaster! not to mention it has been rather difficult, but i am facing it with an attitude of who cares? seriously, there is too much stress in life to worry about what the booty goes on at home. just smile and be here, but do not be here at the same time. only take in the good of the moment. all the negativity, it can kiss my ass!!! that is for sure. in one ear and out the other thank you.do not dwell on it because that is not that importante in the long run anyways.
besides, how am i ever supposed to enjoy my life and have fun if i am too worried about everybody else and what everyone thinks and the outcome blah blah? it is time to think about moi. this is my life. i need to just live in the moment and take every path or situation with a smile and breathe! if it does not go as planned, tough luck. but that is the fun part. yes it is. i and i alone can make it better. for this is about me. nobody else is living for me. this is my life and i am going to live in the moment!!!
to everyone out there, life is too short to hold on. take a chance and let go! nobody can hold you back but yourself, and your pathetic yet brilliant mind, your best friend and your worst enemy. grrrrrrr. let live and live baby yes.
you and you alone create the path of your life and it can take you anywhere that YOU want to go. it just depends on how far and how long you are willing to travel? but what does it matter? think of it as the funnest thing you can imagine and trek on.
live your life to the fullest!! oh yes.
this is going to be momentous. you might want to strap in and enjoy the ride baby. schweet!
kendi the magnificent states " the end."
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
all dones
i just wanted to take this moment to say.....
i am finished with school yes.
i am finished with finals yes!
i am finished finished finished and i could not be more happy!
thank you thank you.
bring on the pajamas and doing nothing for the next 3 weeks.
gabe darling, i miss you already.
the end.
i am finished with school yes.
i am finished with finals yes!
i am finished finished finished and i could not be more happy!
thank you thank you.
bring on the pajamas and doing nothing for the next 3 weeks.
gabe darling, i miss you already.
the end.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
news flash
i can honestly say that it tuesday and i have not blogged! can you believe it? so much to say! however, this will be my last blog for some time, until i decide to write again, whenever that will be. so here it goes.
friday night i did gabe and vicki's hair and i think i did a pretty good job! it was so much fun to do. i did not take pictures of the finished model but oh wells. maybe i should start doing that for future preferences i guess. they looked amazing! all the girls did. gabe, vicki, sarah, clairy, dana, etc. i know so many cute babes! i then went to chill with friends and it was a " high " of a time! hahaha.
saturday was a good day. sarah, gabe and i went to the public library and got library cards. oh yes. we are officially tucson citizens now. it was so cool! i checked out a where's waldo book. i love wheres waldo. however, i have not really been able to look at it since i have been so biz-eeeeeee with school!
sunday i had my holiday choir concert. i believe it went pretty good, both performances. i was exhausted by the end of the whole thing. we all met at the cathedral at 2 and i was there until almost 10pm. i was so tired. but i had to finish my theory homework. great. so i did that in my pajamas while i drank hot cocoa and listened to christmas music with my roommates. oh yes i am a female and i can multi-task and i love it! :P
monday.....oh gosh....talk about a day! i left my apartment at 7:45am and i did not get home until 12:01am. wow! i had to go to school of course, and then work, and then more school. then i had my tech rehearsal and dress rehearsal for opera scenes. they went pretty good i guess. i was not happy with them, but that is probably just me. i absolutely hated my performance last night. i felt as though i did terrible and things were not working for me. it is probably all the stress i have right now for juries and the rehearsal tonight. after my rehearsal last night, my mother and grandmother took me out to get a dessert at bj's. it was delicious.
i had a strawberry beignet and it was to die for! i am craving more and more! wow. yummmmmmmm. my mother however decided to invite that one girl who i seriously...ahhhhh. i do love the girl and i care for her. but she is so rude and creates so much drama for me. it is really hard to explain. let me just say for over a year things have been on and off. and then i go off and do something stupid. she is the one that i made out with and it was the biggest mistake of my life! any other girl, okay. i could deal with that, whatever, and get over it. but her? wow. and not to mention everything else. she never lets me forget it and she holds it against me and blah blah blah blah blah. okay, it is hard to freaking explain so i am just going to drop it.
anyways, my mother invites her. totally okay. it really did not bug me that she came. what did bug me was the fact she started completely opening up to my mother and my mother, being the way she is, was all up in her goody goodie god loves you ordeal. and she totally started to take her under her wing. i love my mother, with all my heart, and she is only doing that because she is right! it probably eerked me because the last thing i wanted to hear for 2.5 hours was god this and god that and religion this and blah. it would have been nice if we all had talked about other things, like sports, christmas, the weather, movies, clothes, caught up with things, laugh, joke, etc. but no. she was so focused on that girl and making her feel loved talk. grrrrr. i should not feel this way, but it made me so angry. i finally get to actually hang out with my mom and i cannot even do that. whatever. i had nothing to say anyways. i kind of just sat there drinking my water and staring into space.
and now it is tuesday. how am i feeling? do you really want to know? i have opera scenes tonight. yes.
i had my voice lesson with my professor today and of course, it was like every other lesson. i do not know why i cannot just do what she asks me to do. i do not understand myself. i am not meant to be a singer. i am not meant to do this. coming to tucson was a waste of my life obviously since nothing productive has come from my stay here. i am seriously...done. this is it. i am done. i cannot do it anymore. i cannot do anything right. i am wasting time and others people time and energy. i am not getting anywhere. i only feel worse and worse. pathetic yes i know. the semester is almost over yes it is. and i am ready. and then i am ready to not to come back. i am so tired of not getting it, not doing it right, getting pushed and pushed into a wall that there is no way around. faye, just get it, i suck. i do. i am not progressing and i am no longer in this. i cannot blend in my choir, i cannot get my acting right nor my staging nor anything else in acting.
i have poor acting and characterizations compared to everyone else. i seriously cannot get my singing correct and after 1.5 + years of working the same stupid thing over and over again, i am done with it. i cannot do it. i cannot. is it not clear? why try? not to mention my other classes are down the drain. i got 2 tests back today and i had a 162/200 and a 59/100 on the other. can you believe that crap? oh my gosh what the hell is wrong with me? i study for this class. it is not like i do not try and i still suck. so, i am going to get either a high c or low b and that is not acceptable. my gpa is going to plummit, especially since i am going to have another b in my rome class! ahhhhh. this sucks. i am going to have not time to study for that final since it is on friday, the same day as my juries, and what do you think i am going to be spending my time studying? JURIES, obviously since it is my major. so rome final, i am going to bomb you hardcore. anxiety is just building up like crazy and i just want to...go....breath. gosh i feel pathetic sitting here in the library tearing up in front of a computer.
god this is so frustrating and you are certainly no help in the process. of course it is not your fault but my own. but for now, i am done with you too. just give me space and a break. no i do not want a kit kat bar; i just need no more from myself, from the world, from anything and everything!
hugs and kisses ciao. :)
the end.
friday night i did gabe and vicki's hair and i think i did a pretty good job! it was so much fun to do. i did not take pictures of the finished model but oh wells. maybe i should start doing that for future preferences i guess. they looked amazing! all the girls did. gabe, vicki, sarah, clairy, dana, etc. i know so many cute babes! i then went to chill with friends and it was a " high " of a time! hahaha.
saturday was a good day. sarah, gabe and i went to the public library and got library cards. oh yes. we are officially tucson citizens now. it was so cool! i checked out a where's waldo book. i love wheres waldo. however, i have not really been able to look at it since i have been so biz-eeeeeee with school!
sunday i had my holiday choir concert. i believe it went pretty good, both performances. i was exhausted by the end of the whole thing. we all met at the cathedral at 2 and i was there until almost 10pm. i was so tired. but i had to finish my theory homework. great. so i did that in my pajamas while i drank hot cocoa and listened to christmas music with my roommates. oh yes i am a female and i can multi-task and i love it! :P
monday.....oh gosh....talk about a day! i left my apartment at 7:45am and i did not get home until 12:01am. wow! i had to go to school of course, and then work, and then more school. then i had my tech rehearsal and dress rehearsal for opera scenes. they went pretty good i guess. i was not happy with them, but that is probably just me. i absolutely hated my performance last night. i felt as though i did terrible and things were not working for me. it is probably all the stress i have right now for juries and the rehearsal tonight. after my rehearsal last night, my mother and grandmother took me out to get a dessert at bj's. it was delicious.
i had a strawberry beignet and it was to die for! i am craving more and more! wow. yummmmmmmm. my mother however decided to invite that one girl who i seriously...ahhhhh. i do love the girl and i care for her. but she is so rude and creates so much drama for me. it is really hard to explain. let me just say for over a year things have been on and off. and then i go off and do something stupid. she is the one that i made out with and it was the biggest mistake of my life! any other girl, okay. i could deal with that, whatever, and get over it. but her? wow. and not to mention everything else. she never lets me forget it and she holds it against me and blah blah blah blah blah. okay, it is hard to freaking explain so i am just going to drop it.anyways, my mother invites her. totally okay. it really did not bug me that she came. what did bug me was the fact she started completely opening up to my mother and my mother, being the way she is, was all up in her goody goodie god loves you ordeal. and she totally started to take her under her wing. i love my mother, with all my heart, and she is only doing that because she is right! it probably eerked me because the last thing i wanted to hear for 2.5 hours was god this and god that and religion this and blah. it would have been nice if we all had talked about other things, like sports, christmas, the weather, movies, clothes, caught up with things, laugh, joke, etc. but no. she was so focused on that girl and making her feel loved talk. grrrrr. i should not feel this way, but it made me so angry. i finally get to actually hang out with my mom and i cannot even do that. whatever. i had nothing to say anyways. i kind of just sat there drinking my water and staring into space.
and now it is tuesday. how am i feeling? do you really want to know? i have opera scenes tonight. yes.
i had my voice lesson with my professor today and of course, it was like every other lesson. i do not know why i cannot just do what she asks me to do. i do not understand myself. i am not meant to be a singer. i am not meant to do this. coming to tucson was a waste of my life obviously since nothing productive has come from my stay here. i am seriously...done. this is it. i am done. i cannot do it anymore. i cannot do anything right. i am wasting time and others people time and energy. i am not getting anywhere. i only feel worse and worse. pathetic yes i know. the semester is almost over yes it is. and i am ready. and then i am ready to not to come back. i am so tired of not getting it, not doing it right, getting pushed and pushed into a wall that there is no way around. faye, just get it, i suck. i do. i am not progressing and i am no longer in this. i cannot blend in my choir, i cannot get my acting right nor my staging nor anything else in acting.
i have poor acting and characterizations compared to everyone else. i seriously cannot get my singing correct and after 1.5 + years of working the same stupid thing over and over again, i am done with it. i cannot do it. i cannot. is it not clear? why try? not to mention my other classes are down the drain. i got 2 tests back today and i had a 162/200 and a 59/100 on the other. can you believe that crap? oh my gosh what the hell is wrong with me? i study for this class. it is not like i do not try and i still suck. so, i am going to get either a high c or low b and that is not acceptable. my gpa is going to plummit, especially since i am going to have another b in my rome class! ahhhhh. this sucks. i am going to have not time to study for that final since it is on friday, the same day as my juries, and what do you think i am going to be spending my time studying? JURIES, obviously since it is my major. so rome final, i am going to bomb you hardcore. anxiety is just building up like crazy and i just want to...go....breath. gosh i feel pathetic sitting here in the library tearing up in front of a computer.god this is so frustrating and you are certainly no help in the process. of course it is not your fault but my own. but for now, i am done with you too. just give me space and a break. no i do not want a kit kat bar; i just need no more from myself, from the world, from anything and everything!
hugs and kisses ciao. :)
the end.
Friday, December 3, 2010
friday
it is friday yes indeed! and it is the institute winter formal! how exciting...if you are going which i am not. hahaha. pish tosh. i have other things to occupy my time. i am doing gabe and vicki's hair though! i have been looking at many different ideas and i think i have come up with some good ones. i just hope they work out and i do not completely butcher their hair! even if i did, they would still look stunning because they both are gorgeous. they probably would pull it off with style and make it look like it was meant to be that way. grrrrrowl. :)
anything else today? i finally got my dean's excuse for a class, i figured out my account problem with the bursars office, and that is just about it. nothing else. tear.
this could be it! i hear the train....i hear its whistles blowing, how hard it is to ignore them. they are calling, letting us know it is almost here.
perhaps now is the time to finally close my eyes and sleep? i am pretty tired and i may not get another chance later. who knows the answer if i do not? an honest question.
good friday and happy trails. ciao.
anything else today? i finally got my dean's excuse for a class, i figured out my account problem with the bursars office, and that is just about it. nothing else. tear.
this could be it! i hear the train....i hear its whistles blowing, how hard it is to ignore them. they are calling, letting us know it is almost here.
perhaps now is the time to finally close my eyes and sleep? i am pretty tired and i may not get another chance later. who knows the answer if i do not? an honest question.
good friday and happy trails. ciao.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
tracks
trains...my train...i am still waiting.
there is a lot to say, but not here. and not now. and for that reason, i have nothing to say so i will say nothing at all.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
what can you do
work, today! OMG! from 11 to 1:30 all i did was make and serve noodles and salad! there was not one moment when i was not helping a customer! they just kept coming and coming. it was a never ending $3 lunch. this wednesday was the busiest wednesday we have ever had all semester! where did all these people come from? my goodness! :) you would think it being the end of the semester people would not be coming as much. wrong-o. as of today, it proves they will always be coming.
i still have so much to do before school gets done! i have my last lesson with my voice professor tomorrow, and i do not have my pieces memorized. i am going to get chewed out that is for sure (maybe we can sneak in another next week sometime). i am dreading going to my lesson. i usually always dread going to my lessons. that is not a good thing. i should be so excited. but i am not. :( she gave me 2 new pieces last week so i still learning them. the others, well, i have been slacking. music and singing really were not on my mind this semester. i still have until next friday to get them all memorized though. along with studying for finals, and concerts and performances. yikes! there will be no rest for me.
i still have to read 150 pages too by friday. nooooo. i have put myself behind. i also think i am coming down with something. my head is just pounding. then again, it probably means i am hungry. but since it has been around for 2 days, hmmmm. i have not really eaten anything today. food does not sound appetizing. eating does not sound good at all. then again, nothing really sounds good at the moment.
i have put myself behind, in so many ways, and now it is going to be a hassle and a hectic time getting on track for the next 3 weeks. i do not think it ever will be "in order". yikes. breath in breath out. i gots this. i need to go practice and memorize, then off to make my appointment later tonight with the mr. lamierina and then my bed! i am schuper....excited.
ciao.
i still have so much to do before school gets done! i have my last lesson with my voice professor tomorrow, and i do not have my pieces memorized. i am going to get chewed out that is for sure (maybe we can sneak in another next week sometime). i am dreading going to my lesson. i usually always dread going to my lessons. that is not a good thing. i should be so excited. but i am not. :( she gave me 2 new pieces last week so i still learning them. the others, well, i have been slacking. music and singing really were not on my mind this semester. i still have until next friday to get them all memorized though. along with studying for finals, and concerts and performances. yikes! there will be no rest for me.
i still have to read 150 pages too by friday. nooooo. i have put myself behind. i also think i am coming down with something. my head is just pounding. then again, it probably means i am hungry. but since it has been around for 2 days, hmmmm. i have not really eaten anything today. food does not sound appetizing. eating does not sound good at all. then again, nothing really sounds good at the moment. i have put myself behind, in so many ways, and now it is going to be a hassle and a hectic time getting on track for the next 3 weeks. i do not think it ever will be "in order". yikes. breath in breath out. i gots this. i need to go practice and memorize, then off to make my appointment later tonight with the mr. lamierina and then my bed! i am schuper....excited.
ciao.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)